I hurt the man i love again. i tend to hurt him alot. he is stressed he is hurt. i should have listened longer, i'm too damn selfish for my own good. i told him i didn't want the few minutes we got to talk to be about his friend. i wanted to talk to him, but he wasn't interested. he got upset too. and he left me. its my fault..

he won't talk to me either. i don't blame him. i said he probably wouldn't. not soon anyways
god i am an idiot

ontop of that a guy at work made me cry. he kept telling me that more then likely in any long distance relationship the male would cheat. and it hurt alot. i know he would never ever dot hat to me. i trust in him, but it hurt that noone else had any faith.

i know i am taking a risk. i know, i suck. but i defended him. i defended and wrote a love letter...it was actually for the same guy's girlfriend who he then preceeeded to ask to marry him.. but i wrote it while thinking of paragon.. i'll post it later...god, i want him, i need him to come back.